It’s Not Always Butterflies

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Dr. Christie Kederian, Psychologist & LMFT

If you ever have that feeling like this is my soulmate, you should run the opposite direction.

What kind of feelings should we expect when falling in love with someone new? There’s a saying in Buddhism, that when you meet the right person for you, it’s not all these butterflies or whatever. It’s actually quite the opposite, calm and peace. So I love that saying, and that kind of aligns with research and psychology.

We have to allow the process to take its toll and to differentiate if it’s just a kind of lust or if it really has potential. I would say that if you ever had that feeling like this is my soulmate, you should run the opposite direction because there’s actually something there that’s triggering some past trauma that makes you feel like, Oh, this is my person.

I would say most of my successful couples didn’t have that, “everything’s butterflies and we know that this is the right person” on the first date. So that’s why we always say to give it a second date. But I do think that’s a good sign in the first date is if you feel like you can be yourself and you don’t feel like you’re trying to be someone they like, and you just kind of feel at ease and authentic, and that’s the dynamic.

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Christie Kederian

Dr. Christie Kederian is a nationally-renowned psychologist and Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, specializing in the psychology of relationships. With an extensive career as a

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